This is my first post for over a month!

Things are a bit weird at the moment. I had my last (seventh) counselling session earlier this month and I have made loads of progress. I am a more self-assured and confident person as a result. I've started to see interesting changes in myself. I've started to eat more meat (having become virtually vegetarian) and I've started to do things I previously didn't enjoy (I spent yesterday at the beach in the hot sun - it was fantastic). Its almost as if I've lost that massively self-conscious side to me a bit - I'm much more able to exist. My brother used to describe me as "scared of human beings" because I didn't like to socialise with other children - and I suppose I was scared. I'm still a bit scared of people, but lately I've been able to go about my business with far far fewer inhibitions. Its great.

This is, for me, progress indeed.

What doesn't change, though, are all the people around me. G, the kids and the extended family. I'm really making a much bigger effort to spend time with my own family during the summer months (they aren't around in the winter) and this is proving to be good for me. I went to a great-aunty's birthday party in a city hours away last week and I saw family members I haven't seen for about 20 years! It was fantastic! I even did karaoke (badly)!

I'm not particularly enjoying G's family's company at the moment though. Its not her extended family as such, they are actually quite good fun and I get on with them just great. Its her closer family. Her aunt (who has this inherent need to visit and stay with us as often as possible, normally fortnightly), close cousins (like a brother to her) and mother. They actually think I'm horrible. I'm just smothered by them and react accordingly. In fact, I can't bear them anymore and take no interest in them at all.

G is a bit of a mess if I'm honest. I'm really beginning to wonder if I've overstayed my welcome in this marriage. Actually, I'm beginning to think (as my counsellor put it) that I may have outgrown this marriage. Sounds a bit self-involved but it does reflect my feelings quite accurately. G is still absolutely adamant that she's going to spend all her time doing her 'business'. There's not a lot of point in me being anti or negative about it because that just starts a game of cat-and-mouse with her persecuting me for lack-of-support and all manner of other things. To be honest, I couldn't really care less what she does with her time, money and emotions.

I'm quietly watching what's happening in our life. Whether G can see it or not, big changes are afoot. Our youngest starts school this Autumn and I want to see what happens when G is at home all day on her own most of the time. We've also got a couple of family holidays lined up and I'd like to see how we can manage those also.

This will make you laugh... we just had a nice weekend celebrating one of the kids birthday and yesterday we went to the beach. In typical aunty style she is staying with us pandering to the children's every whim for a few days (I'm actually really happy to be in work today because I can't take all the pandering nicey-nicey wierdness that emenates from her - you never know how she really feels and you can't really ever please her because she is so reluctant to express herself in any way at all, except when talking about something or someone that doesn't directly include her audience!). So it was a lovely hot day on the beech - the kids played in the sea and the sand and I sunbathed in the hot sun (lovely!). I'm not so sure Aunty liked it... she sat there in full long trousers and long sleeved top all day! Someone needs to relax and open up a bit methinks. Funny how they all think I'm the stress-head around here. I really couldn't care less anymore. No - really - I couldn't!