Relationship with G has improved markedly over the last week. In analysing it, I can see that the improvements stem from efforts on both sides.
It transpires G had approached a divorce lawyer and made an appointment. She cancelled the appointment at the eleventh hour, but things were serious. She says she found the whole thing 'too scary'. I too was pretty down about it all.
My counsellor has taught me that I may be somewhat victimised by G. I'm growing beyond that view somewhat in seeing how both G and I have contributed to the situation in which we find ourselves and we both need to fix it. G has shown great thoughtfulness and demonstrated a real effort with me in the last week - buying me nice things, thinking about me and talking to me. We have been kind to each other. I so much want to do the same too.
Today we lunched together, with G coming to my place of work and we had a full 1 hour at the local pub. It was really nice. We talked, mainly about G's new business venture, and it was nice as we enjoyed ourselves. We will do it again.
I bought new clothes to match my 3-stone-lighter new body. I was looking a bit silly in massively oversized trousers and shirts at work. It didn't come in cheap though... and it also cost me in self-imposed guilt as I know G also needs new clothes. I'm not exactly flush with cash but I think I should treat her somewhat soon... perhaps a nice shopping trip together or somesuch.
The kids were becoming a bit of a nightmare last week - very attention seeking and unhelpful (often agressive) behaviour. We've implemented a new approach which G and I formulated together late one evening after a particularly tricky day. The approach focuses the minds of the kids and rewards them positively for good and helpful behaviour. They lose perks for unhelpful behaviour and good behaviour builds towards fulfilling their own individual wishes. It's been working really well for the last few days. It seems vital for the kids that they have some sort of appraisal of the good things they have done and their achievements near the end of the day so we do a 'summing up' at dinner time with handing out of rewards. It all works well and I think it is a reasonable introduction to some of the ways-of-the-world. Their behaviour has certainly improved.
I'm even starting to think that the kid's behaviour might be contributing to the relationship troubles between G and I. We rarely have time to think or do things for ourselves and the kids can add to the stresses and strains of life considerably.
Planning to take R canoeing again this weekend - hope I still have the confidence to just 'jump in feet first'!
We've booked a holiday to Disneyland for the Autumn, so something to look forward to, and we're going up-north for a few days at the end of July. Will also visit the lake again for a weekend in early July and fully intend (finances willing) to take a one week center parcs break at Christmas... should be an OK year.
New car arrives in a matter of weeks... hopefully its a bit delayed (to give me a bit of extra time to find some spare cash!) but knowing my luck it will be timely. I'm thinking of buying the old car off the leasing company... it'll mean a personal loan but I think it's a good price and its only 2 years old... certainly a better investment than our existing 7-year old car that is probably on its way out...
Memories: H wanting to do his 'five minute box' every night, like a good conscientious boy. We worry about his reading skills and schoolwork generally, but he's a bright boy and I have every faith he will get it in his own time. We don't want to push or apply pressure - we think that would be counterproductive. He is still a completely absorbing and hugely affectionate child who I can't resist cuddling and kissing all day long!
Memories: R is having real trouble with her bladder problems. Really worried about her now. Seeing consultant on Weds. She's such a clever little bean - really good at sport, music and academic work. She's struggling with the demands placed on her in all these areas as they start to require increasing amounts of dedication and commitment, regular practice, higher levels of achievement and higher expectations. It's tough watching your child see an enjoyable activity turn into a whole lot of hard work. She seems to have an inner dialogue that tells her it is all worthwhile and drives her on, but I can see why many children would give up!
Memories: C doesn't seem to like preschool any more. Only 4 more weeks before she leaves though... (then big school!). She is gorgeous, the way she looks into my eyes when she's asking a question, with bated breath holding onto my every word then applying her own excellent form of logic to rationalise answers for herself or reinforce my answer... those big brown eyes and that curly blond hair.
They're all gorgeous.
