Its funny how sometimes I just feel completely and utterly miserable... like I just don't want to go on doing the same things, in the same monotonous life. Today is one of those days. I got into work after a long weekend with the family - we had a fab time, visited Cadbury world, saw a movie a the Birmingham Imax, enjoyed a night in a cheap hotel. Then today its back to the real-world. My manager scheduled a 90 minute meeting to tell us how crap we all are. Then a brief meeting to recognise someone who has just attained 25 years of service with the company by presenting them with a rather understated certificate, an alarm clock and some gift vouchers (yawn). On top of all this I've been inundated with simply massive quantities of work.

Trouble is, what motivation is there to carry on doing it? If I'm crap at it and all I'd get in the end is a certificate and alarm clock - what is the bloody point?

A close friend at work confided in me last week that she has only got months (or max a year or two) to live. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2007 and it seems it has metastasized. That really puts a few things into perspective doesn't it.

And I can't help but feel like we're on the verge of some sort of apocalypse with the world going completely tits-up. I mean, we have all been building our lifestyles on the unethical abuses of the developing world, with slave / child / cheap labour in developing countries serving our every need. That labour isn't as cheap anymore, yet we cannot all afford the true cost. We'll all lose our lifestyles and equalise on a median lifestyle world-wide.

In any event, I don't want to spend the next 10 years doing this just to get a certificate and an alarm clock, only to have another 20 years to work to do before I can even conceive of resting.

I give up.

On another topic, I'm still exercising and avoiding those nasty fatty/sugary snacks. Lost a bit of weight (down to 14 stone 6lbs now). Had some deviation at Cadbury world yesterday, but back on track now.

I'm still exercising and now eating pretty healthily all the time... I have a consistent (and really quite enjoyable) breakfast, a standardised lunch and a proper dinner. I'm even managing to enjoy some low-fat yogurts, low-calorie drinks and desserts.

I've got my weight down to about 14stone 9lbs (considering I was once complaining of being 16stone!) and plan to carry on until the end of May. Hopefully I can get down to 12st 7lbs by then.

It is a bit of a struggle - it would be nice to just eat a great big huge load of crap sometimes! but I just keep reminding myself why I'm doing this, the positive effects it will have on me and those around me, and the fact that if I were to overeat massively food, deserts, chocolates, cakes and sweets I would have a pretty unhealthy relationship with food.

Take tonight, for example. H has a friend home for tea so I'll be eating separately today. I could so easily bugger off for a McDonalds or get some extremely unhealthy evening snacks from Tesco, but no. I plan to pop into Tesco to buy a vegetarian cottage pie (I had one last week, it was low-fat, low-cal and yummy!) and possibly a couple of wholemeal rolls to have with it. Combined with a low-cal drink and a yogurt, I should be set!

Its the exercise I'm most proud of. The plan of getting up at 6 works on so many levels. Firstly I get 40-60 minutes of exercise in, and secondly it causes me to be ultra-organised in the morning. I can get the kids dressed for school, prepare everyone's breakfast, and eat a healthy breakfast myself too! It really works. It also affords G a shower and some morning refresh-time! Its good all round.

My typical diet is this:

Breakfast: porridge (ready brek) with a smidging of maple syrup; a Muller Lite yogurt; a glass of low-cal blueberry and cranberry juice drink, very occassionally some fruit (banana/strawberries...)

Lunch: packed lunch consisting of a tuna/onion/low-fat mayo sandwich (2 slices of white bread); a packet of Walker's "baked" crisps (less than 100cal); a jelly or rice-pudding (150cals max) and a piece of fruit (usually an Orange).

Dinner: a full meal prepared by G, often with a dessert, but I do only have one modest portion of dessert if any at all.

Snack: only in the evening, usually only a low-cal drink, fruit and a Muller Lite yogurt. Sometimes some other low-fat snack, but rarely (last week I had "Go Ahead" bars... shouldn't really).

Memories for the future: C was very poorly this week, had a temperature. She wouldn't take the medicine because it wasn't pink! I pretended it was and she protested. In the end she concluded "I really like that one!"!

You may be surprised to hear that I am STILL exercising about 5 times a week, and I am also STILL eating relatively healthily. I have stuck to getting up at 6am on Mon, Tue, Thur and Fri, with some exercise on Sunday if I get a chance. Food-wise, most notably I have not given up eating nice treats! G makes lovely deserts most days and I still eat them with the family (although not huge portions and no seconds!). I have replaced my favourite yogurts with Muller Light and its delicious (especially the Cherry, Rhubarb and Blueberry flavours), and I have taken to drinking low-cal Asda drinks - mainly Cloudy Lemonade in a can and blueberry and cranberry juice drink. Its really nice stuff. Also, I still have breakfast every day - quite hearty too - some porridge with maple syrup, a yogurt and a drink. Occasionally a piece of fruit too. For lunch I prepare sandwiches with the kids lunchboxes and I take two pieces of fruit, some baked crisps (Walkers) and a desert - usually a fruit jelly, a rice pudding or a flavoured pot of custard. Its nice! Then I have a full-blown family dinner.

Its working out ok. I do get a bit hungry around 3-4pm and also in the evening - so I will have a yogurt and some fruit in the evening. However, getting up at 6am means I'm usually in bed at around 9:30 which cuts the opportunity for late night snacking.

When I wrote my previous post on January 15th I weighed 15 stone 7lbs. Looking back through mu blog I was up to 16 stone a year or two ago, and I'm sure that before Christmas (when I had my toothache) I must have been a little under 16 stone. A week ago I weighed myself at 15 stone 2lbs- I lost 5 lbs! yay! I'm going to weigh myself now as well to see how I'm doing...

well... I weighed myself (using the Wii Fit which seems to be the most accurate way) and I've lost another 3 lbs! I'm now 14stone 13lbs! Excellent!

Its funny but I don't remember being at a sustainable weight below 15 stone before (since I gained weight massively, of course). And to think it came about while eating... thats the good thing. I'm not starving myself. The funny thing about weight loss is that it becomes a bit self-fulfilling. I started in the new year just because I wanted to be healthier and now I actually get a buzz from lowing weight, so I tend to avoid fatty snacky foods wheras before I would indulge myself. Also, my previous attempts at losing weight failed because I starved myself silly and gorged out when I got low. This is a much more sustainable way to get healthier, both fitness-wise and weight-wise.

G is a bit pissed because she's been exercising with me but hasn't lost any weight. She's a bit demoralised but I try to encourage her. She seems to eat more snacks than I do (and she has milky coffee). Today she didn't even get up to exercise with me, which is a first.

Anyway, its being snowing hard for the last 2 days - I'm working at home today (a luxury in this job!) and yesterday I only got into work at 10:30, staying only for a few hours. Its been the heaviest snow for years, apparently. Its all turning to slush now, as the sun warms us all up a bit.

Oh well, lets see how long this fitness craze lasts. I would like to think I can get down to 12 and a half stone. That would put me in the right sort of weight-range to be healthy (right now I'm at the top end of overweight!).

memories: C saying "umun-I dad?" instead of "aren't I dad?"!!!